Tom in Oklahoma 2012
We loved the holidays!
Since the death of Tom Means last Wednesday morning, a raft of feelings have come and gone--floated on down the river so to speak. Some have stayed. It has been special to hear from friends from our years in Birmingham, Alabama, one of the best two years of our marriage (in spite of my horror at the thought of moving there instead of the expected move to St. Paul, Minnesota). Those messages and perusal of many photographs, trying to choose a few to scan and send to Nashville (per our children's request) for possible inclusion in the DVD loop that's being prepared have brought chuckles, smiles, and tears.
One of the quotes posted on Facebook said that Tom wanted to be remembered for making folks laugh. That was one of the reasons I married Tom. He was the playmate my little girl self longed for--fun, joyful and affectionate.
A cute man moving in
flanked by two women, one shorter, one taller.
A girl friend or two, we wondered, watching
from our doorway.
A short man, cute, almost prancing up and down
the sidewalk.
A stranger.
"Come over and I'll cook you a steak," the stranger
said right after saying "hello, I'm Tom Means."
"Didn't you hear those guys saying they would pick
me up at 7?"
"I didn't take them seriously. They're just boys,"
this new stuck-up resident replied.
Watching, waiting, knocking after I got home
Persistent. Stuck up, a fake Eastern accent covering
the Okie he was.
Cute, funny, tossing jokes, compliments in equal
measure.
So sure I was the one. Could I resist his charm?
Meeting for drinks (and sometimes dinner),
The Shady Inn our place.
Symphony and opera music floating over our
Hugs and kisses, soft and playful.
Charmed!
Courted, engaged and married we were.
Surprises came--a baby boy, a joy
Some causing distress, a mess.
The laughter, snuggles, "you are
beautiful" compliments continued--
Moves made, around in a circle
back to where we started
A baby girl, more joy--
and work, time alone with
Two young ones.
Bars, their allure, my competition.
My causes, not his
The beach, joy and freedom
Laughter and fun
Friends -- couples we relished,
Neighbors so fine.
A good life
A job lost, another move--sad, too bad
Our life together, never the same.
The bar won.
It wasn't that simple, and yet it was. My League of Women Voters and AAUW causes were serious. He once commented, coming home from travels a night early as my State LWV colleagues were leaving, "Ugliest group of women I've seen. Lace-up shoes," as he headed for the kitchen and his martini. A history lover, Tom could have lived in colonial times--as long as he was of the gentry. Looking ahead, I relished changing opportunities and challenges. Commenting on what became our incompatibility, a friend said that she could live in the closet as long as the door was open and I couldn't. Still, happy hour and the bar called--the allures found there most attractive.
I didn't quit loving Tom Means when we split up for good. I was, however, relieved to no longer be married to him. Over time as our lives continued to be intertwined with graduations, marriages, grandchildren and holidays as a blended family, I came to think of Tom as a friend. It helped that I introduced him to the woman who became his life partner (after our divorce per her request), and that our son was committed to the "all together" holiday dinners.
Not sure of my place, I go to Nashville asking the Spirit to fill me with love and light and to surround
family gathered there with God's love and peace. I am grateful for the good times, for our children and grandchildren and for the many holiday dinners we've shared over the years.
NOTE: Brian, if you are reading this, it's for blog followers only -- PLEASE. You are the only family member who reads my posts.
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