In the Rockies

In the Rockies
Butler Gulch

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

A Rainy Day - - Outside Quiet; Inside Churning

This photo from my I-phone is from the banks of the Boulder Reservoir on my walk yesterday--one of the first local signs of fall's approach.

As I try to write on a longer piece, I find myself avoiding the blog and now understand why a couple of writer acquaintances say they don't blog.  However, today seems a good time to look at beautiful photographs with flowers and fall colors.  The paintbrush photo below was taken on July 4th at Butler Gulch, which is off Highway 40 heading toward Winter Park ski resort.

The rain is much needed; the humidity feels so good on my skin.  I went to Yoga at the Y and enjoyed letting the light rain sprinkle on my head as I walked from my car to the door. 

Oh yes--Yoga and the big toe that is healing.  Yesterday I walked about an hour around nearby lakes without noticing a twinge in the big toe broken in the automobile accident five plus weeks ago.  I didn't think about the toe flexing that occurs in several Yoga postures until I tried doing one.  I quickly decided that I would need to baby the big toe in some ways a bit longer.  I was able to do many of the position though and enjoyed the practice.

It is quiet in my writing room.  This rain has brought no thunder or lightening.  Most of my neighbors are away at work.  This should make life peaceful, right?!  However, inside I am in turmoil.  Difficulties within an organization as one Executive Director retires and we seek another are disturbing.  My term as president does not begin until October 1st; however, family health problems are keeping the current president busy, and I feel left holding the bag on unfinished business.  I yearn to make decisions and get on with the job.  But is that appropriate?  Those Executive Committee members I have e-mailed do not answer.  Board members who supposedly do not know what's happening do.  I just screamed!!!!  It felt good! 

Other things are churning too--old emotions and feelings.  Watching manipulation up close is disconcerting.  It hearkens to times when I've allowed myself to be manipulated (not childhood since I had little power there)--and when I look at how I've been manipulated, then the next place to look is where I have done the manipulating.  Neither are pretty. 

I think of times when it has seemed for the best that I was using manipulative tactics to achieve my objectives--words that were freighted for example.  "This is a difficult way to approach the problem," could be a simple example as it implies that I have an easier (and hence better solution).  If I can sound kind and helpful in the process, then my chances of getting what I wanted were much better.

My intention is to be more aware--use my objective self to notice--when I am tempted to be manipulative in conversations and decision making--and take another path.  I won't always be successful, especially when I'm feeling my buttons being pushed.  However, when I'm over-reacting, that's when I know there's something I need to learn from the experience. 

Blessings to all,

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